


EW SCHOOL! {Texting Fic}

by glaucous



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: F/F, F/M, GAY GAY GAY, High School AU, M/M, NO DEATH, Pietro is alive, Steve Is Alive, Tony is alive, a lot of pets, groupchats, i’ve wanted to make this for so long, more relationships and characters to be added, natasha is alive, texting fic woo
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-08
Updated: 2020-05-13
Packaged: 2020-10-28 22:53:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 7
Words: 10,528
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20786378
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/glaucous/pseuds/glaucous
Summary: just a good ol’ high school texting fic! Very gay!





	1. 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [deliveryformrstank](https://archiveofourown.org/users/deliveryformrstank/gifts).

> enjoy enjoy enjoyyy!

“patriotism is a big turn on!”  
bucko boy- Bucky Barnes  
bird 2.0- Sam Wilson  
big steeb- Steve Rogers  
blackwidow- Natasha Romanoff

bucko boy: howdy cowpals 

big steeb: Can we please change the chat name?? It was one time!!!

blackwidow: hell no

blackwidow: that was ICONIC

bird 2.0: she’s right, we’re never letting go off it, sorry stevie ;))))

big steeb: Go away you pesky morons.

blackwidow: you kiss your mother with that mouth??

big steeb: My mother is dead, asshat.

blackwidow: no shit

bird 2.0: anyway i’m gonna start ignoring bucky from now on.

bucko boy: WHATTT why tho

bird 2.0: you disgust me

black widow: so much for ignoring him

bird 2.0: yk what romanoff-

bucko boy: it’s because i’m irresistible 

bird 2.0: LMFAOOO ok then

bucko boy: ur really grinding my gears now, Wilson

big steeb: Why can’t you two get along??

bucko boy: he started it, i did NOTHING!

bird 2.0: you BREATHED

big steeb: Sam, be nice.

bucko boy: yeah, sammy be nice

bird 2.0: I-

bird 2.0: don’t call me sammy, bitchboy

bucko boy: sorry samuel i do love you really

bird 2.0: Pplease, and i cannot stress this enough, PLEASE just be a normal person for ONe DAY

black widow: why am i still here

black widow: why am i friends with you guys

bucko boy: because you love us <3

bird 2.0: wrong once again Barnes, she love ShArOn cArtErRrRrRr!!!!!

black widow: test me and i swear i WILL tell the entire school who you like :)

bird 2.0: i don’t like anyone but go off lmao

black widow: Aha but that’s just what you want us to think 

black widow: Besides, I like other girls too so..

big steeb: Tea, unloyal. 

bucko boy: I think seeing Steve use slang makes my brain cells die

bird 2.0: WRONG ONCE AGAIN, you have no brain cells to die

bucko boy: i will slap you tomorrow

bird 2.0: i fuckin dare u bitch

black widow: the sexual tension whew

big steeb: Hahaha

bird 2.0: i- 

bird 2.0: i will not hesitate to leave

bucko boy: do it

big steeb: ANYWAY

big steeb: Have you guys noticed all of our usernames start with B :)))

bird 2.0: yes

black widow: yes

bucko boy: yes

big steeb: Oh ok then

——————

SPICE GORLS  
peteypie- Peter Parker  
shurithingsis- Shuri  
scottyant- Scott Lang  
hopeful- Hope Van Dyne  
fairygodmother- Wanda Maximoff

peteypie: Uhm guysss did we have any homework that’s due for tomorrow?????

shurithingsis: Ew no

shurithingsis: Imagine giving out homework to do during the holidays???

peteypie: Oh, thank GOD

scottyant: Wait so we didn’t have Spanish homework??

shurithingsis: no???

scottyant: What the hell did I do then

fairygodmother: i-

fairygodmother: probably some homework you didn’t do last school year 

scottyant: WELL I have made a promise that i’m going to do all of my homework this year!

hopeful: i’m doubtful 

scottyant: No you’re hopeful :,)

hopeful: why-

hopeful: why am i still going out with you

fairygodmother: yeah why are you

scottyant: DUDES!!!

scottyant: I cant go a day without getting bullied

peteypie: Aww poor thing I’m sending you a virtual hug

scottyant: oh-

scottyant: Peter is my favourite

shurithingsis: Peter is everyone’s favourite 

peteypie: what

hopeful: can confirm, sorry Scotty

scottyant: Darn 

peteypie: Oh well now THIS is epic 

fairygodmother: Peter is just so pure <3

peteypie: Wanda <33 i lOve my sister :,)

fairygodmother: Yayyy!!!

shurithingsis: Can yall stop saying you’re brother and sister because the name Peter is similar to Pietro??

fairygodmother: No <3

peteypie: No <3

fairygodmother: Pietro is dead and Peter is filling the pietro shaped hole in my heart

scottyant: PIETRO IS WHAT????

hopeful: he’s not actually dead, Scott

scottyant: Thank goodness!! I nearly had a heart attack!!!

fairygodmother: HE IS DEAD

shurithingsis: IS HE THOUGH??

fairygodmother: HE IS TO ME

hopeful: it’s been a whole 2 weeks, Wanda

fairygodmother: I WAS LOOKING FORWARD TO THAT COOKIE IT WAS A LONG DAY I WAS GROCERY SHOPPING FOR 6 HOURS STRAIGHT!

hopeful: ok 1) who takes 6 h o u r s to finish grocery shopping 

fairygodmother: i do :((

hopeful: and 2) why didn’t you just buy more cookies

fairygodmother: I DIDNT THINK I WOULD HAVE TO

peteypie: stop shouting ur gonna wake the baby

shurithingsis: GASP not the baby 

scottyant: ᵇᵃᵇʸˀˀˀ

hopeful: yes scott be quiet

scottyant: ᵇ ᵃ ᵇ ʸ ˀ ˀ ˀ

fairygodmother: Peter’s new puppy! 

scottyant: OH YEAH I FORGOT!!!!

hopeful: SHH

peteypie: SHUSH SHUSH

shurithingsis: ʙᴇ ǫᴜɪᴇᴛ

fairygodmother: ö sh

scottyant: how can it hear me this is so cool...

peteypie: hhhh ok i’m gonna go now i’m stressing

shurithingsis: Okk! 

shurithingsis: Kiss Sandwich goodnight for me <3

peteypie: will doooo! 

————

tony went through meiosis and peter was the result  
snark- Tony Stark  
Bruce7- Bruce Banner  
peteypie- Peter Parker  
shurithingsis- Shuri

snark: H

peteypie: lmao nice

shurithingsis: Peter why are you still here don’t you have homework to do

snark: You better be doing your homework young man

Bruce7: There is one year difference calm down Tony

peteypie: I literally don’t have any homework

snark: You better not. No detentions for you, mister, or I will be in touch.

snark: You too, Shuri.

peteypie: Shuri you literally just told me we have no homework why did you-

shurithingsis: bc tony being a dad is very amusing

Bruce7: Can confirm, Tony keeps adopting kids without realising.

shurithingsis: HE HAS MORE KIDS???

Bruce7: Yep! Peter, Harley, Nebula and you.

shurithingsis: Harley Keener and Nebula Thanosson??

Bruce7: Yeah, do you know any other Nebulas??

shurithingsis: True

peteypie: Wait, doesn’t Tony only adopt science kids

Bruce7: Oh I think so... Tony, can you confirm?

snark: i’m no longer involved in this conversation i’ve been humiliated 

shurithingsis: HA

shurithingsis has added potatogun and xbrokenx

peteypie: Nebula’s username is so edgy

xbrokenx: My sister changed it, I do not know how to fix this problem.

peteypie: Awww poor nebs 

xbrokenx: So... What is this?

Bruce7: Our science groupchat!

xbrokenx: Ah, I do like science.

peteypie: That’s why you’re here! also because tony adopted you.... so you’re my sister now!

xbrokenx: I don’t understand.. we are not related...

peteypie: UhhHh it’s a metaphor???

potatogun: um

potatogun: what

shurithingsis: HARLEYYY

potatogun: SHURIIIII

Bruce7: You guys are friends?

potatogun: we had to do a science project together and instead of saying hello when we messaged each other we just screamed each other’s name

Bruce7: Oh? I’m not gonna ask?

peteypie: Ur cheating on me with Harley Shuri??? smh

xbrokenx: Cheating is wrong.

peteypie: Nebula you’re my new best friend

peteypie: i’m Peter by the way

shurithingsis: bruh

potatogun: i may or may not be very confused right now

potatogun: wait so like?? Peter Parker??

peteypie: maybie yus 

potatogun: like?? Penis Parker????

peteypie: what a good first impression yes that’s me

shurithingsis: flash >:(

xbrokenx: I do not like this Flash guy.

potatogun: no one does.. also sorry if i offended you or anything oopsie

peteypie: it’s okk

snark: hold up

snark: WHEN DID YOU GUYS GET HERE

peteypie: keep up old man

shurithingsis: I ADDED THEM LIKE 30 MINUTES AGO

xbrokenx: That is an exaggeration.

snark: BRUCE DID YOU LET THIS HAPPEN??

Bruce7: Dude I’m just here don’t blame me!

potatogun: Hello Tony :)

snark: Keener.

potatogun: Stark.

snark: K e e n e r.

potatogun: S t a r k.

peteypie: what is going on here

shurithingsis: b-

peteypie: DONT SAY IT

shurithingsis: bwekfast

peteypie: fUhAskaka anyway 

peteypie: gonna dip i’m tired and uhhh first day of s-s-sc-sch-school tomorrow ygm

shurithingsis: ew

potatogun: ew

snark: ew

Bruce7: Ew

xbrokenx: Ew.


	2. 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> whew she’s long... yall eating today

the odinsons > the kardashians

Thunder Man- Thor Odinson  
lokiwannadie- Loki Odinson  
Lady Death- Hela Odinson

-

Lady Death: who the fuck

Lady Death: ate my ice cream

lokiwannadie: trying to watch the office bitch

Lady Death: i dont fucking CARE

Lady Death: WHO ATE

Lady Death: MY ICE CREAM

Thunder Man: I did last night

Lady Death: THOR DO YOU HAVE A DEATH WISH

lokiwannadie: trying to watch the office

Thunder Man: Loki, It’s 7am and we have school soon, shouldn’t you be getting ready??

lokiwannadie: shouldn’t you be eating ur own food instead of hela’s

Lady Death: THANK YOU LOKI

Lady Death: I WAS GOING TO EAT THAT ICE CREAM

Thunder Man: Ice cream for breakfast??

Lady Death: YES DO YOU HAVE A PROBLEM?

Thunder Man: nO i’m eating chocolate rn

Lady Death: what chocolate

Thunder Man: idk found a hershey bar lol

Lady Death: What flavour

Thunder Man: cookies n creme...

Lady Death: that’s my fucking chocolate

lokiwannadie: <— me rn

Lady Death: Thor is missing his first day of school :)

lokiwannadie: don’t kill himmm it’ll ruin the tripppp

Thunder Man: What trip? ARE WE GOING ON A TRIP?? :D

lokiwannadie: aright i’m out

Thunder Man: Why don’t you take a shower? Make you a little less greasy for the first day.

lokiwannadie: no fuck you bitch

Lady Death: Thor where are you

Thunder Man: In my bedroom 

Lady Death: Ok well ur about to be 6 feet under soon get ready u fucking aSSHOLE

Thunder Man: s h i t

—————

“loki is and always will be my queen”

lokiwannadie- Loki Odinson  
peteypie- Peter Parker  
hopeful- Hope Van Dyne  
fairy godmother- Wanda Maximoff  
deadass sonic- Pietro Maximoff

-

lokiwannadie: thor b like: My location? Under these bitches’ skin

peteypie: hehe

deadass sonic: What happened?

lokiwannadie: He ate Hela’s ice cream that she wanted to eat for breakfast 

hopeful: Ice cream for breakfast??

lokiwannadie: don’t ask me my family is fucked up anyway

lokiwannadie: Thor’s breakfast this morning consisted of Hela’s Hershey’s bar 

peteypie: oH shit

lokiwannadie: Thor is now screaming

lokiwannadie: thor b like: My location? six feet under

peteypie: Bruce will be so sad this is so sad

fairy godmother: Why Bruce?

peteypie: They’re literally going out

lokiwannadie: WHAT

fairy godmother: WHAT

deadass sonic: WHAT

peteypie: ITS SO OBVIOUS???

hopeful: It is very obvious, can confirm

lokiwannadie: That explains so fucking much??

peteypie: I thought everyone knew-

deadass sonic: What the fuck n o ? ? ?

fairy godmother: THATS SO CUTE

fairy godmother: THE HEIGHT DIFFERENCE AW

hopeful: anyway

hopeful: my hair looking fly today

peteypie: tmw u may look fly but u want to die

fairy godmother: Ur hair looks fly everyday doe 

deadass sonic: A gay! A gay! A gay! 

fairy godmother: biTch-

deadass sonic: Wanda is a gay!!!!!

fairy godmother: WE BEEN KNEW

deadass sonic: Lol big mood

peteypie: Everyone is gay at this point 

lokiwannadie: all the more options <3

hopeful: me, a bisexual: ok <3

deadass sonic: We all know ur bisexual Hope

hopeful: am i

fairy godmother: You have only told us 657 times

peteypie: Facts

hopeful: Feeling loki attacked

lokiwannadie: h e y

deadass sonic: Anyway Wanda and I are setting off for school see u sk8rs l8r

fairy godmother: He types so fucking fast

deadass sonic: Im called sonic for a reason bitch

————

“patriotism is a big turn on!”

bucko boy- Bucky Barnes  
bird 2.0- Sam Wilson  
big steeb- Steve Rogers  
queen nat- Natasha Romanoff 

-

bird 2.0: Holy shit

big steeb: Language Sam

queen nat: Steve doesn’t like that kind of talk

bird 2.0: ok but holy SHIT hahHahHa

big steeb: What happened?

bird 2.0: It’s only first period and Bucky already has several detentions

queen nat: WHAT why the fuck-

bird 2.0: He threw a glue stick at the teacher

bird 2.0: I literally can’t 

big steeb: WHAT????

bird 2.0: I DIDNT MEAN TO 

bird 2.0: ITS BUCKY BTW

queen nat: Why are you using Sam’s phone??

bird 2.0: MR THANOS TOOK MY PHONE OFF ME 2 MINUTES INTO THE LESSON

big steeb: Why??

bird 2.0: BECAUSE TAKING IT OUT OF MY POCKET WAS ME BEING ON IT TOO LONG

bird 2.0: HE HATES ME

queen nat: Stop shouting i don’t blame him

bird 2.0: Sam won’t stop laughing at me

bird 2.0: I actually hate Sam he’s bullying me 

big steeb: Ok wait, back to the situation, why were you throwing a glue stick anyway?

bird 2.0: I was aiming for Tony Stark

big steeb: WHY

bird 2.0: Sorry forgot u have a fat crush on Stark

bird 2.0: And because he laughed at me when i got my phon

bird 2.0: It’s Sam again Tony didn’t laugh at him he smiled at Bruce and Bucky is just a dramatic assho 

bird 2.0: Hey it’s Bucky again so anyway

queen nat: they’re so annoying

bird 2.0: Now I have detention for the rest of the MONTH and 3 day suspension for assaulting a member of staff and idk how to feel

bird 2.0: I literally hate life so much 

bird 2.0: This is all Sam’s fault

queen nat: How??

bird 2.0: He sat down next to me therefore it is his fault

big steeb: How does that work

bird 2.0: Idk he’s annoying ygm

big steeb: No not really...

queen nat: ok i gtg before i’m caught on my phone bye

big steeb: Me too, bye everyone!

bird 2.0: ur all pussi

bird 2.0: Bye everyone- Sam

—————

SPICE GORLS  
peteypie- Peter Parker  
shurithingsis- Shuri  
scottyant- Scott Lang  
hopeful- Hope Van Dyne  
fairy godmother- Wanda Maximoff

scottyant: Just found Sam absolutely crying

peteypie: oh??

scottyant: Jk he was just looking kinda sad

peteypie: How come?

scottyant: Not sure, he didn’t say

shurithingsis: Wait are you friends with him?

scottyant: Kinda

scottyant: I beat him at a soccer game and now we’re like acquaintances

shurithingsis: idk how that works but go off

fairy godmother: Oh has something happened

scottyant: Nah he’s just sad for the shits and giggles

hopeful: where were his friends? doesn’t he hang out with Steve, Nat and Bucky?

scottyant: Yeah but he was alone idk

fairy godmother: wait but isnt bucky his boyfriend oop

scottyant: w h a t nO

peteypie: i-

fairy godmother: They’re, like, all over each other tho

hopeful: hm

scottyant: I’m pretty sure they hate each other??

hopeful: hmm

shurithingsis: Yeah they r arguing 24/7 

hopeful: hmmm

shurithingsis: I think they’re really open about how much the hate each other

shurithingsis: I was watching them argue this one time and Nat just looked at me, rolled her eyes, smiled and said “they can’t go 2 minutes without snapping at each other, I have to go through this shit all day long.”

hopeful: hmmmm

fairy godmother: Have yall not seen the way they look at each other tho??

hopeful: HMMMMMM

peteypie: Yeah they look at each other with murderous intentions

hopeful: HHHHMMMMMMMMM

scottyant: Babe do you have something to say?

hopeful: Yes, thank you Scott

hopeful: I’m with Wanda on this

peteypie: You think they’re going out??

hopeful: nah

fairy godmother: wdym?

hopeful: I think they’re pining after each other and they’re hiding it by pretending to hate each other :)

fairy godmother: holy shit

fairy godmother: Does that make sense or does that make sense????

shurithingsis: It would explain a lot...

peteypie: Hold yo what would it explain??

shurithingsis: How they say they despise each other but they never leave each other alone. They’re always with each other, I’d say they’re attached at the hip if they didn’t argue all the time...

hopeful: Yepp

hopeful: They want to spend time with each other bc they like each other but they just cover up their feelings with anger

hopeful: Or maybe they don’t even know they like each other 

hopeful: Idk it’s kinda like Stark n Rogers but more violent 

peteypie: STARK AND ROGERS???

scottyant: Are THEY going out??????

shurithingsis: bruh... no but they like each other it’s so painfully obvious

shurithingsis: Nat and I literally have made SO many bets on them

fairy godmother: shuri is friends with literally everyone

shurithingsis: I’m acquaintances with Sam and Bucky, maaaaayyyybeee I can become friends with them and learn they’re dirty wittle secrets

fairy godmother: it’s tempting..

scottyant: I’m so confused... who is dating and who isn’t??

hopeful: imma leave this one to shuri

shurithingsis: Ok so Bruce & Thor are going at it, Stark and Rogers are in love lesbihonest, Scott and Hope r our parents, Sam n Bucky are CLUELESS and are pining unknowingly, Nat n Sharon are speaking ;) aaaand that’s about it right now

fairy godmother: how...

shurithingsis: Wakandan Magic <3

shurithingsis: OH and I have a crush on MJ xoxo

hopeful: NEWS

peteypie: CAN I PUT IN A GOOD WORD

shurithingsis: absolutely not 

scottyant: AHHHHH that’s ADORABLE!!!

fairy godmother: my heart- AaAaaAaaaaA

shurithingsis: Yall don’t tell anyone except Loki and Pietro

shurithingsis: And when u tell them make sure they promise not to say ok

peteypie: Shuri out here acting like we have people to tell xoxo

—————  
tony went through meiosis and peter was the result

snark- Tony Stark  
Bruce7- Bruce Banner  
peteypie: Peter Parker  
shurithingsis: Shuri  
potatogun- Harley Keener  
xbrokenx- Nebula Thanosson

-

snark: YES i DID nearly die today thanks for asking

Bruce7: Dramatic

snark: frick off bruce

peteypie: tfw u lose ur marbles

xbrokenx: What happened?

snark: Thank you for asking Nebula

xbrokenx: You are welcome.

snark: that bitch bucky barnes threw a glue stick at the teacher and it ALMOST hit me bc I was right in front of the teacher!

potatogun: It didn’t hit you? disappointing 

snark: i stg harley u fuccing bitch ur asking for a slap

snark: anyway

snark: If that hit me in a certain place i could be paralysed right now

Bruce7: Well it didn’t 

peteypie: on a completely other note

peteypie: Both Bruce and Stank have boyfriends 

shurithingsis: hmm yeees

snark: Excuse you

snark: i think i prefer when he called me mr stark ngl

potatogun: i don’t think stank can even get a boyfriend

peteypie: that’s where ur wrong harley dear

peteypie: two words

peteypie: Steve Rogers.

xbrokenx: I know.

shurithingsis: Nebs ur so smart xxx

xbrokenx: Thank you, you are too.

shurithingsis: Aww my favourite sister

peteypie: I thought I was ur favourite sister

shurithingsis: no

potatogun: ROGERS HAHABANWM

Bruce7: When did you start going out???

snark: I HAVE NEVER TALKED TO HIM SHUT UP

xbrokenx: But you have feelings for him?

snark: I NEVER SAID THAT

potatogun: TONY ROGERS OR STEVE STANK

snark: NEITHER

Bruce7: I knew he liked him

snark: SINCE W H E N

Bruce7: since, uh, FOREVER

peteypie: oh, the tea.

shurithingsis: Yk he likes u Tony

snark: okie

potatogun: Imagine that

potatogun: Rogers is a fucking UNIT and stank is like this tiny little nerd ahahahha

Bruce7: oop

peteypie: AwW like Bruce and Thor!!!

Bruce7: how the fuck do u know about that-

peteypie: ITS SO OBVIOUS

snark: It is quite obvious 

shurithingsis: I mean Loki didn’t know sooo

Bruce7: We haven’t told anyone except for Tony

snark: BECAUSE I’m special 

xbrokenx: Adorable, you have my support Bruce and Thor <3

Bruce7: Cute nebs :,)

potatogun: HOLD UP W H A T

peteypie: no one explain 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hope u enjoyedddd!


	3. 3

“patriotism is a big turn on!”

bucko boy- Bucky Barnes  
bird 2.0- Sam Wilson  
big steeb- Steve Rogers  
queen nat- Natasha Romanoff

-

bucko boy: some of yall are about to be real mad at me.... 

bucko boy: but i found a stray cat and now it’s mine

big steeb: WHAT

queen nat: as he should

bird 2.0: how-

bucko boy: I was walking home from detention and it was just THERE i couldn’t leave it??

big steeb: Bucky you can’t even take care of yourself! How are you going to take care of a cat??

bird 2.0: i-

bucko boy: how hard can it be??? u just gotta feed it and water it

bird 2.0: it’s not a plant 

bucko boy: was i finished? no.

bucko boy: clean it and clean up after it

bucko boy: take it to the vet every once in a while

big steeb: Fine, you can keep it. Just promise that you won’t kill it or yourself in the process.

bucko boy: how would i kill myself looking after a cat

queen nat: you would find a way

bird 2.0: hA

queen nat: you aren’t any better Sam, you care more about Redwing than yourself

bird 2.0: Ok except who wouldn’t

big steeb: You guys are a mess...

bucko boy: tell me tell me tell me something i don’t know 

queen nat: every one of you is a mess

queen nat: sometimes i feel like i’m the only one with my shit together and my shit isn’t even together 

bird 2.0: o ok then

big steeb: What about me???

queen nat: your love life is a mess u have a crush on tony stark of all people and every time he talks to stephen strange or bruce banner u get so unnecessarily jealous

bucko boy: WHAT

big steeb: What????

bird 2.0: idk why yall are surprised nat stay snapping 24/7

bird 2.0: it’s also very obvious bucky ur just dumb

bucko boy: why is sam even here

bird 2.0: forgot to slap you today will tomorrow xoxo

bucko boy: don’t test me samuel

big steeb: Please get along, you guys.

bird 2.0: i have tried but he always finds a way to grind my gears

queen nat: ffs

big steeb: ^^

big steeb: Anyway, Bucky what have you called your cat?

bucko boy: Alpine :,)

bucko boy: i’m not gonna lie to yall but i would die for Alpine

queen nat: my cat is better

bird 2.0: Liho isn’t even your cat

queen nat: whatever i named him

big steeb: Can we see Alpine?

bucko boy: OFC I THOUGHT YOU’D NEVER ASK!! 

bucko boy: (alpine.png)

queen nat: AW

queen nat: imagine Alpine and Liho together

bucko boy: omg

big steeb: I’m more of a dog person but Alpine is very cute

bird 2.0: i’m more of a bird person

bird 2.0: Redwing is cuter than Alpine

bucko boy: excuse you 

bird 2.0: i speak straight facts

bucko boy: i will fight you

bird 2.0: you won’t, pussy

big steeb: Guys ffs

bucko boy: i’m making an announcement everyone.

bucko boy: SAM IS OFFICIALLY THE WORST PERSON TO EVER EXISTS

bird 2.0: HOW CAN I BE WHEN YOU LITERALLY EXIST

queen nat: not again

bucko boy: ALPINE IS SO MUCH BETTER THAN REDWING I DON’T CARE

bird 2.0: THERE IS NO LOGIC IN THAT MESSAGE

big steeb: Do you absolutely have to argue 24/7

bucko boy: SAM YOURE JUST SCARED BECAUSE YOU KNOW CATS ARE BETTER THAN BIRDS

bucko boy: CATS LITERALLY EAT BIRDS

bird 2.0: REDWING IS A FALCON I DONT THINK ALPINE CAN ATTACK A TRAINED FALCON

bucko boy: I AM SO DONE WITH YOU JUST ADMIT ALPINE IS BETTER

big steeb: They’re both equally cute, guys.

bird 2.0: Fine.

bird 2.0: they’re equal.

bucko boy: even though Alpine is better

bird 2.0: iN WHAT WORLD

queen nat: anyway

queen nat: Sharon just messaged me

bucko boy: ITS HAPPENING

big steeb: I’m so happy for you!!

queen nat: i’m not

queen nat: i’m terrified

bucko boy: what why??

queen nat: what if she’s like noticed me looking at her and she’s calling me a lesbo freak

bird 2.0: she’s literally gay

queen nat: shh 

big steeb: Just open her message, I’m sure she’s just starting conversation and wants to talk to you! :)

queen nat:

queen nat: fine...

bucko boy: WOOO YEAH GET THAT COOCHIE NATTYY

queen nat: SHUT THE FUCK UP BUCKY

bird 2.0: i-

————

untitled chatroom 

queen nat- Natasha Romanoff  
sharcar- Sharon Carter

-

sharcar: Hey! :))

queen nat: Hii

sharcar: I just wanted to tell you how much I love your new hair!

sharcar: The blonde really suits you :))

queen nat: Wait really?? Thank you!

sharcar: No problem!

sharcar: I’ve wanted to message you for so long, you sound like a cool person sooo yk :))

queen nat: you’re so sweet! i’ve wanted to talk to you for a while now too :))

sharcar: Aww great!

sharcar: Anyway I’ve got to go now, talk later? 

queen nat: Sure thing! :)) 

————

SPICE GORLS

peteypie- Peter Parker  
shurithingsis- Shuri  
scottyant- Scott Lang  
hopeful- Hope Van Dyne  
fairygodmother- Wanda Maximoff 

-

peteypie: y a l l

fairygodmother: hello

peteypie: i hate everything

peteypie: i am so embarrassed 

shurithingsis: PLEASE WHAT HAPPENED I WANT TO LAUGH AT YOU

peteypie: yk what shuri-

scottyant: Peter our baby are you ok????

peteypie: literally no

fairygodmother: what happened?

hopeful: ^^^

peteypie: ok so

peteypie: yk that guy in the grade above us with the big scar on his face?

shurithingsis: Wade Wilson

fairygodmother: Patiently waiting to find out how Shuri knows literally everyone

shurithingsis: I have connections, sweetie

fairygodmother: lowkey ominous 

peteypie: yes yes Wade

peteypie: ok well yk how he’s really cute

scottyant: what

fairygodmother: DOES PETER HAVE A CRUSH ON A JUNIOR??? 

peteypie: SHUT UP IM ALREADY EMBARRASSED ENOUGH

shurithingsis: HOLY SHIT

hopeful: omg stop as if-

peteypie: CAN I CONTINUE PLEASE?

scottyant: Yes

peteypie: alright so

peteypie: i wasn’t looking where i was going when i was walking to calc and we fucking bumped into each other

shurithingsis: Wait that’s not that bad ugh

peteypie: OH IT DOESNT END THERE!!

hopeful: i’m so excited for this

peteypie: so i was like “oh i’m sorry!” but i stuttered a lil and i was like oh shit oh fuck did my voice have to do that

peteypie: and wade said, AND THIS IS A QUOTE!! “Woah, you tryna make me fall for you?” and i was just like SHIT WHAT

fairygodmother: nO omg-

shurithingsis: HOLY SHIT WHAT

peteypie: SO I MAY OR MAY NOT HAVE sTARTED BLUSHING REALLY BAD AND I WAS LIKE TRYING TO SAY SOMETHING BUT I KEPT STUTTERING

peteypie: bUt he obviously could see that my mind was about to explode and he was like relax i’m just joking

scottyant: He sounds nice!

hopeful: yOU WERE BLUSHING

peteypie: DONT REMIND ME

peteypie: but then we just kinda smiled at each other and then the bell went and i just kinda walked away really really rEALLY quick

shurithingsis: This is the best day of my life

shurithingsis: Peter has a crush and the first time they meet Peter is a blushing, stuttering mess HAHAHA

fairygodmother: It’s kinda cute tho

shurithingsis: It’s hilarious is what it is

hopeful: Poor Petey <3

peteypie: thank u hope <3

scottyant: Wait I’m confused who are we talking about again 

hopeful: I swear-

————

tony went through meiosis and peter was the result

snark- Tony Stark  
Bruce7- Bruce Banner  
peteypie- Peter Parker  
shurithingsis- Shuri  
potatogun- Harley Keener  
xbrokenx- Nebula Thanosson

-

shurithingsis: hey yall HAHAHA guess what

peteypie: shuri is asking for a slap i swear if you tell them what i think ur gonna tell them-

xbrokenx: Has Peter been hurt by someone? Because I can and I will hurt them back.

peteypie: AWWW nebs <3

xbrokenx: Peter deserves happiness only <3

shurithingsis: ok gay

shurithingsis: on the topic of all things gay

peteypie: ffs-

snark: What’s going on??

shurithingsis: PETER HAS A BOYFRIEND

snark: WHAT

snark: WHO?????

peteypie: I LITERALLY DONT HAVE A BOYFRIEND MR STARK I SWEAR ITS JUST A CRUSH

snark: Ok 1) stop calling me mr stark and 2) who.

shurithingsis: Wade Wilson

snark: w a d e w i l s o n

snark: no

peteypie: WHAT

snark: NO WAY 

snark: He gets into fights ALL THE TIME everyone thinks he’s a mercenary

snark: That’s why everyone calls him merc with a mouth

shurithingsis: Oh Peter knows his mouth very well-

peteypie: SHURI

Bruce7: Hey what’s going on?

snark: THERE IS NO WAY YOU ARE GOING OUT WITH WADE WILSON

Bruce7: K I’m out it’s just Tony being a dad.

potatogun: I’m just watching from a distance ngl

peteypie: IM NOT EVEN GOING OUT WITH HIM

snark: GOOD

xbrokenx: Why does Tony decide who Peter begins a romantic relationship with?

potatogun: We were all thinking it, thank you Nebula

potatogun: If Peter likes Wade and Wade likes Peter u cant stop them Stark

snark: He’s an asshole, I don’t want Peter getting hurt by the merc with a mouth

snark: your reputation would literally be so bad if you got with him

peteypie: Mr Stark out here acting like my reputation isn’t already shit

peteypie: My nickname is literally Penis Parker

snark: ...Whatever

snark: Just be careful ok?

peteypie: got it!

shurithingsis: is this done now i’m bored 

potatogun: You literally started all of this

————

untitled chatroom

mercwithamouth- Wade Wilson  
Domino- Neena Thurman

-

mercwithamouth: LADY LUCK I NEED YOUR HELP

Domino: Shoot bitch

mercwithamouth: Ooh fiesty, I like it.

Domino: Want my help or not?

mercwithamouth: I always do.

mercwithamouth: Alright so, I bumped into this guy before and he was literally the cutest thing ever.

mercwithamouth: He was like looking at a bunch of puppies and kittens that were throwing up chocolate milk everywhere as their retina was being burned by the sun but the sun is smiling and there are rainbows everywhere, he was adorable.

Domino: You and I have a very different definition of adorable 

mercwithamouth: Anyway, I didn’t get his name.

Domino: This is creepy but...

Domino: The first name that comes to mind is Peter Parker???

Domino: PLEASE don’t stalk him

mercwithamouth: You have my word you terrifyingly lucky bastard.

—————

the odinsons > the kardashians

Thunder Man- Thor Odinson  
lokiwannadie- Loki Odinson  
Lady Death- Hela Odinson

-

Thunder Man: I AM SO SAD

lokiwannadie: good >:(

Lady Death: What happened Loki what did you do

lokiwannadie: nothing :)

Thunder Man: HE MADE ALL MY SHIRTS GREEN

Lady Death: hAHA WHY

Thunder Man: WHY GREEN??

lokiwannadie: when were u going to tell us.

Thunder Man: TELL YOU WHAT??

lokiwannadie: I mean, green IS your boyfriend’s favourite colour after all.

Lady Death: BOYFRIEND?

Thunder Man: no what where who is boyfriend do not know a boyfriend single as a pringle, here, queer and ready to mingle

lokiwannadie: Bruce

lokiwannadie: Banner

Lady Death: W H A T

Lady Death: He’s cute ;))

Thunder Man: why would you say that why would you think that why bruce banner haha i’m literally single

lokiwannadie: ew pls improve ur lying skills

Lady Death: If you don’t want him I’ll have him  
thor

Thunder Man: Don’t fucking touch him

Thunder Man: If you go anywhere near him I’m leaving this family and running away with him

lokiwannadie: I think u should do that anyway this family would be so much better if u weren’t here

Thunder Man: rude

Lady Death: Why are you so protective over him hMmMmmM

Thunder Man: Because he’s Bruce Banner

Thunder Man: my.... best friend....

Lady Death: Uh huh

lokiwannadie: Ok Thor ngl that’s kinda gay

Thunder Man: Me and you are gonna have some problems if you carry on.

Lady Death: Ok anyway he’s ur BeSt fRieNd??

Thunder Man: YES HE IS

Lady Death: i

Lady Death: don’t believe you

lokiwannadie: JUST FUCKING ADMIT YALL R GOING OUTTTT

Thunder Man: NO

Lady Death: BUT WE KNOW SO JUST ADMIT IT PUSSY BITCH

Thunder Man: FINE I ADMIT IT

Lady Death: Ewwwwww Thor has cooties

Thunder Man: AHHH

lokiwannadie: Woah Bruce is getting some spicy noises out of you i see?

Thunder Man: Loki ur adopted

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hope yall enjoyeddd


	4. 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it’s been a very very hot minute i apologise

“loki is and always will be my queen”

lokiwannadie- Loki Odinson  
peteypie- Peter Parker  
hopeful- Hope Van Dyne  
fairy godmother- Wanda Maximoff  
deadass sonic- Pietro Maximoff

-

lokiwannadie: Hello good gang

peteypie: something happened what happened

lokiwannadie: bruce and thor happened

fair godmother: wbk 

lokiwannadie: yes but what you haven’t been knew is that i dyed all of thor’s clothes GREEN

peteypie: HAHA AW POOR THOR

fairy godmother: LMFAO

deadass sonic: why green

lokiwannadie: wdym WHY GREEN

lokiwannadie: Is it not known that bruce’s favourite colour is green?

deadass sonic: loki you

deadass sonic: are a stalker that ain’t on me

lokiwannadie: i will fucking slaughter you bitchass hedgehog

deadass sonic: do it pls

fairy godmother: ok edgelord have a break

peteypie: aNYWAY what did thor say???

lokiwannadie: He tried to deny it but between you and me he is positively shit as lying so i mean

peteypie: :o 

hopeful: Hello my Badass Bitches except pietro 

deadass sonic: i am fuckinh leaving 

{deadass sonic left the group}

fairy godmother: oh no he’s gone.

peteypie: Poor Pietro :(

{peteypie added deadass sonic}

peteypie: don’t leave pietro i think yur a badass bitch :,)

deadass sonic: PETER i love YOU

peteypie: :,)

lokiwannadie: ok gross

hopeful: lmao anyway

hopeful: just got off the phone with scott and he was crying because he dropped his taco my sanity is

fairy godmother: the suspense

fairy godmother: your sanity is??

hopeful: hanging on by a fucking THREAD

hopeful: a TACO YALL

peteypie: i mean i lowkey get it tho

hopeful: shut up peter you’re attracted to wade wilson

peteypie: IGHT IM LEAVE 

fairy godmother: SHES NOT WRONG THO

lokiwannadie: tea x

deadass sonic: wait what????????????????

fairy godmother: omg shut UP how do you not know i literally told you last night??

deadass sonic: PETER IS ATTRACTED TO WADE???

deadass sonic: AS IN OUR PETER IS ATTRACTED TO THE WADE WILSON???

hopeful: fucksake

peteypie: fucksake

lokiwannadie: fucksake

fairy godmother: fucksake

deadass sonic: WAIT GUYS PLS IM SO CONFHSED

deadass sonic: GUYS?? PLS??????

— — — — 

“patriotism is a big turn on!”

bucko boy- Bucky Barnes  
bird 2.0- Sam Wilson  
big steeb- Steve Rogers  
queen nat- Natasha Romanoff

-

bucko boy: ok yall i know this is unexpected...

bucko boy: but i have a problem

bird 2.0: Not exactly unexpected when do u not

bucko boy: anyway

big steeb: Whats wrong Buck?

queen nat: have u killed the cat already?

bucko boy: what the FUCK no

bucko boy: ALPINE IS THE LOVE OF MY LIFE I WOULD NEVER

queen nat: i can hear sam crying

bird 2.0: shut up bitch

bucko boy: can i tell you guys my problem PLEASE

big steeb: Yes Bucky.

bucko boy: alright gang.............

bucko boy: i CANNOT STOP playing animal crossing

bucko boy: tom nook owns this ass now 

bird 2.0: this is a good thing actually

bucko boy: HOW i haven’t left my bedroom for anything except school since i got it

bird 2.0: no no hear me out....

bird 2.0: maybe animal crossing will persuade you to move to a deserted island so i don’t have to see ur face anymore :)

bucko boy: bruh

big steeb: Sam be nice.

queen nat: yeah sam ur not supposed to talk to ur boyfriend like that????

bird 2.0: piss OFF

bucko boy: yk what bitchboy

bucko boy: maybe i WILL

bucko boy: me and alpine are packing our bags as we speak.

bird 2.0: good.

queen nat: sam you cannot live without bucky 

bird 2.0: sis WHAT

big steeb: Oh my..

queen nat: hes in denial :( 

bucko boy: she isn’t wrong sam u are nOTHING without me

bird 2.0: sis i am THRIVING without you

big steeb: I wonder if one day we can talk in this group chat without you two arguing... You guys are literally my only close friends and we can’t have a conversation without Sam and Bucky bickering like an old couple.

queen nat: yikes 

bird 2.0: oh

bucko boy: sorry steve :(

big steeb: It’s ok.. can you two just try to get along for once please? I don’t know why you guys even argue in the first place.

queen nat: it’s because they are both in denial of their feelings for each other

bird 2.0: miss romanoff kindly fuck off

bucko boy: sam we should attack nat instead

bird 2.0: we SHOULD

big steeb: This isn’t what I wanted but at least we’re getting there-

queen nat: yall can TRY 

bird 2.0: we CAN try and we CAN succeed bitch

bucko boy: Fr Sam and I combined... the power is too much

queen nat: i think the fact that you need two people to match my power says a lot

bird 2.0: pipe down luv u lit rally have no idea what’s about to hit you xoxo

queen nat: what a couple of guys pining after each other

bucko boy: she’s ruthless

bird 2.0: don’t encourage her

— — — —

tony went through meiosis and peter was the result

snark- Tony Stark  
Bruce7- Bruce Banner  
peteypie- Peter Parker  
shurithingsis- Shuri  
potatogun- Harley Keener  
xbrokenx- Nebula Thanosson

-

snark: woah oh ohohoh

shurithingsis: when he hits those notes... <3

potatogun: pls-

snark: NO SHUT UP GUYS I

snark: woah oh ohohoh

Bruce7: Tony are....

Bruce7: Tony are you okay?

snark: i’m ruined

snark: woah oh ohohoh 

peteypie: what’s wrong mr stark

snark: stop calling me that

snark: also do yall really not know what i’m singing

potatogun: You cant say the something that’s in every song and expect us to know what you’re singing 

xbrokenx: Is he singing? Unfortunately I cannot hear anything.

shurithingsis: *Fortunately 

peteypie: he isn’t singing nebula he’s just typing lyrics <3

xbrokenx: Oh ok.

potatogun: lol peter simp

snark: GUYS PLEASE

snark: WOAHHHH OHHHH OHOHOHHH

shurithingsis: update: more h’s have been added

Bruce7: Tony what are you on seriously 

snark: my bed

peteypie: WAIT i think i know what it is

potatogun: h o w

snark: YES PETER WHAT

peteypie: SUNFLOWER BY REX ORANGE COUNTY???

snark: YES PETER I LOVE YOU

shurithingsis: the name of the groupchat really applies to this situation

snark: GUYS I AM RUINED

snark: this song has taken over my life and i don’t know how it

snark: fucking “woahhhh ohhhh ohohohhh” WONT GET OUT OF MY HEAD

snark: it would be driving me insane if i didn’t love rex orange county more than anything else in my life except maybe peter

peteypie: uwu 

snark: never mind 

potatogun: I just wanna know how peter got sunflower from “woahh ohh ohohohhh”

peteypie: Literally sing woahhhh ohhh ohohohhh

Bruce7: please stop typing woahhh ohh ohohohhh

snark: i need you so :,)

peteypie: I DONT WANNA SEE YOU CRYYYYINING

snark: why skip the entire song 

peteypie: sorry i got excited 

shurithingsis: Peter is such a simp

peteypie: We know 

xbrokenx: What is a Simp?

shurithingsis: Peter 

shurithingsis: evidence of this is the fact that he is 100% typing an explanation of the word with a heart on the end for you

peteypie: a simp is someone who like is really soft for someone, it’s derived from the word ‘sympathetic’. so basically if you simp for someone then you love them and will do anything for them but it’s kinda used in an insulting way as in like making fun of someone for being so like soft for someone <3

peteypie: wait

peteypie: shuri i dont like you 

potatogun: I hate Shuri’s constant accuracy it’s TERRIFYING 

shurithingsis: i’m glad you fear me haarlie 

potatogun: pls let me be

snark: Ok well anyway Rex Orange County

potatogun: no one fucking cares

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i hope you enjoyed! once again i apologise for the lack of updates! hope you are all staying safe, sending all my love and kisses to all yall xxxx


	5. 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ya

SPICE GORLS

peteypie- Peter Parker  
shurithingsis- Shuri  
scottyant- Scott Lang  
hopeful- Hope Van Dyne  
fairygodmother- Wanda Maximoff

{shurithingsis added lokiwannadie and deadass sonic}

shurithingsis: YALL PLEASE DONT LEAVE AGAIN

lokiwannadie: finally you added us back we left as a JOKE >:(

deadass sonic: RT smh

shurithingsis: SORRY BUT HAH

hopeful: Wait shh Shuri is amused that means some good shit has happened

fairy godmother: omg true

shurithingsis: SOME GOOD SHIT HAS HAPPENED HHHHAHAAH

scottyant: Can you guys be quiet please I am playing stardew valley

deadass sonic: ur literally in class what

hopeful: Scott Shuri has some tea

scottyant: oh ok nvm i’m here now

deadass sonic: @ peter come here shuri has tea 

peteypie: oh i’m here im just

shurithingsis: PETERBAHHAHEHEJWJ

peteypie: i’m just dying

fairy godmother: ???

shurithingsis: IM CRYING PLSS HAHA

hopeful: SHURI PLS SPILL

shurithingsis: PETER FUCKINGBAHWHEH

peteypie: no i 

peteypie: guys i can see the light 

shurithingsis: IM SO AMUSED WAIT

lokiwannadie: shuri pls spit it out i have things to do places to be

deadass sonic: do you though

lokiwannadie: yuh i’m gonna prank thor by telling him his snake is dead when his snake is very much still alive

deadass sonic: sorry WHAT

scottyant: poor thor :(

shurithingsis: LMAO OK SO

shurithingsis: When me and Peter were walking to class we may or may not have bumped in to a special someone

hopeful: wade or mj

shurithingsis: wade who is mj i don’t know an mj

hopeful: ok gay

shurithingsis: ANYWAY peter got SO FLUSTERED and UGH

shurithingsis: it was genuinely the worst and best thing i have EVER seen

hopeful: LMAOO

fairy godmother: HAHA HOW RED DID HE GET???

shurithingsis: SOOOO RED

peteypie: no go away all of you

lokiwannadie: :)

peteypie: loki?

lokiwannadie: :)

peteypie: ok that’s never good loki what did you do

{lokiwannadie added mercwithamouth}

deadass sonic: AHEHEBHEHBEJSWN

shurithingsis: Hey Wade!

mercwithamouth: Hey gang how are we all doing today

fairy godmother: he already fits in so well

{peteypie left}

scottyant: who is wade???

hopeful: lmao scott i’ll explain in a second let me come over to u x

scottyant: oh haha ok

shurithingsis: i’m having NONE of that mister pete

{shurithingsis added peteypie}

peteypie: sorry my hand slipped

mercwithamouth: Peter Parker??

peteypie: no different peter

fairy godmother: YES that is indeed peter parker :))

{peteypie removed mercwithamouth}

peteypie: sorry my hand slipped 2.0

deadass sonic: ..............................

peteypie: anyway where the FUCK did loki go i swear

lokiwannadie: i’m just watching the world burn around me

peteypie: loki you are so DONE

lokiwannadie: oh i am so scared!! peter ur literally about as intimidating as a spider

scottyant: SPIDERS ARE FUCJING TERRIFYING

peteypie: ty scott xx

fairy godmother: wait WHY did you remove wade i like him :(

peteypie: BECAUSE

peteypie: IM A GAY MESS

shurithingsis: ugh rt tho

lokiwannadie: ur such a pussy bitch peetur

hopeful: I will not accept Peter Slander in this chat

lokiwannadie: sorry miss hope

hopeful: It’s ok just don’t do it again 

scottyant: my gf is such a badass <3

shurithingsis: simp

— — — — 

untitled chatroom

queen nat- Natasha Romanoff  
sharcar- Sharon Carter

-

sharcar: Hey! I was wondering if you wanted to grab a coffee after school? 

queen nat: Oh that was unexpected lmao

queen nat: But yeah I’d love to :)

sharcar: Great, it’s a plan! Meet you in Jarvis Cafe at 3:30?

queen nat: Sure! x

— — — —  
“patriotism is a big turn on!”

bucko boy- Bucky Barnes  
bird 2.0- Sam Wilson  
big steeb- Steve Rogers  
queen nat- Natasha Romanoff

-

queen nat: oh fuck oh shit oh fuck oh shit

big steeb: You alright there Nat?

queen nat: NO NO IM NOT

bucko boy: what happened

queen nat: SHARON ASKED ME TO GO GET COFFEE WITH HER AFTER SCHOOL

bird 2.0: HWTAGAG

bird 2.0: WHAT

big steeb: That’s great, Nat!

queen nat: bros i am crying

queen nat: i think 

queen nat: i think i’m about to go in to cardiac arrest 

bucko boy: YOOO MY GIRLS GOT HERSELF A DATEEEE

queen nat: I FUCKING HAVE WHAT THE FUCK

queen nat: this is insane i cant 

queen nat: why me of all people she is so out of my league 

big steeb: You’re amazing, Nat. There’s probably a million reason why she wants to get to know you! 

queen nat: ty stevie :,)

bucko boy: gay

bird 2.0: Wait omg so where are you getting coffee????

queen nat: you can fuck off

bird 2.0: literally what 

queen nat: I know you and bucky are gonna stalk us 

queen nat: wait

queen nat: Cafe Jarvis @ 3:30

bucko boy: oh well that wasn’t hard

bucko boy: Sam café jarvis @ 3:25 xx

bird 2.0: it’s a date xx

big steeb: Aw you two are finally getting along!

bucko boy: yes he is my

bucko boy: best bud.

queen nat: friend zone 

bird 2.0: shut up or i’ll come and sit at yours and sharon’s table and show her ur embarrassing pictures 

queen nat: Do it you cant 

bird 2.0: wdym i CANT 

queen nat: bc i will have already hacked in to ur fucking phone and deleted the pictures

queen nat: who’s the fool then???

bucko boy: she’s so powerful

bird 2.0: can you PLEASE stop encouraging her i thought we were against her together 

bucko boy: we are but i still like her more than you

bird 2.0: oh my god i leave gang

big steeb: Anyway

big steeb: Nat I’m choosing your outfit

bucko boy: WOAH WOAH WOAH WHOS THE ONLY ONE HERE WITH STYLE???

bird 2.0: Steve

bucko boy: Incorrect, it’s me. Nat I will be choosing your outfit hun

queen nat: oh ok

bucko boy: AHH i’m so excited you’re gonna look fucking spectacular 

bird 2.0: you’re so gay

bucko boy: ok het 

bird 2.0: Never Call Me That Word Again

queen nat: title of sambucky sex tape

big steeb: Oh my-

bird 2.0: NAT

bucko boy: HAHAHWH

— — — — 

the revengers 

Thunder Man- Thor Odinson  
Bruce7- Bruce Banner  
VALKYRIE- Brunnhilde Valkyrie

-

Thunder Man: Uhh guys

Bruce7: What’s up? 

Thunder Man: Hela and Loki now know about us

Bruce7: Oh

Bruce7: Well that’s okay right?

Thunder Man: Well yeah but I’m scared of what they might do with this information :(

Bruce7: Why’s that??

Thunder Man: They’re very unpredictable 

Bruce7: I don’t think they’ll do anything to me if that’s what you’re worried about, I know they have a tendency to fight

Thunder Man: Oh no I’m not worried about that, but I have a feeling that they might spread the news and who knows what other people will do :(

Bruce7: Ah

Bruce7: Well I don’t care what everyone else does. As long as I have you by my side I’ll be fine <3

Thunder Man: Cute :,)

Thunder Man: I love you Bruce <3

Bruce7: I love you too xx

VALKYRIE: Can yalll be gay somewhere else PLESE

Thunder Man: Absolutely not

VALKYRIE: Wow.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> gonna try to upload more now! stay safe everyone x


	6. 6

SPICE GORLS

peteypie- Peter Parker  
shurithingsis- Shuri  
scottyant- Scott Lang  
hopeful- Hope Van Dyne  
fairygodmother- Wanda Maximoff  
lokiwannadie- Loki Odinson  
deadass sonic- Pietro Maximoff

-

{peteypie added blackdahlia}

peteypie: MJJJJJJJJJ

blackdahlia: PETEERRRRRRRR

peteypie: HI QUEEN WELCOME TO THE CHAT

blackdahlia: TY IM SO HAPPY TO BE HERE XX

fairgodmother: MJ YESSS

lokiwannadie: QUEEN HAS FINALLY ARRIVED

hopeful: wHY haven’t we added her sooner

blackdahlia: omg i’m rlly feeling the love :,)

scottyant: MJ MJ MJ

blackdahlia: SCOTTYYYYYH

scottyant: how are you queen?

blackdahlia: i’m great how are you king?

scottyant: i’m good ty :,)

deadass sonic: yo mj hashtag welcome

blackdahlia: yo pietro hashtag thanks

shurithingsis: Oh hey MJ!

blackdahlia: ShURI :,) <3

shurithingsis: :,) <3

hopeful: lol

peteypie: SHURI come to my house rn pls 

shurithingsis: but me and t’challa are watching toy story :( 

blackdahlia: wait pls come i’m here :(

shurithingsis: ugh fine toy story can wait IM OMW GANG

fairygodmother: wow-

lokiwannadie: gonna pretend i didn’t see that so i don’t reveal secrets  
lokiwannadie: it’s so hard  
lokiwannadie: so so hard

scottyant: Thats what she said  
scottyant: hope come to my farm let’s have a stardew valley date

hopeful: Omg ok i’m omw babe xx

blackdahlia: that’s gross  
blackdahlia: imagine relationship

shurithingsis: yeah haha imagine relationsship 

peteypie: eye-

fairygodmother: 3 people in this groupchat are in a relationship wow??

peteypie: 3???

deadass sonic: yeah scott, hope and you

peteypie: ME??

fairygodmother: Stop acting like Wade doesn’t exist smh

blackdahlia: WAIT WHAT

peteypie: all of yall shut the up now 

blackdahlia: PETE WHAT HAVENT YOU TOLD ME

shurithingsis: HE HAS A CRUSH ON WADE WILSON

blackdahlia: AND YOU NEVER TOLD ME PETER IM GONNA HIT U 

peteypie: MJ PLS IT JUST NEVER CAME UP 

hopeful: you really told loki before MJ????

lokiwannadie: tf is that supposed to mean??

fairygodmother: hope shut up u walking spoon

hopeful: hehe 

shurithingsis: lmfao ANYWAY PetE i’m nearly at ur house now xx

peteypie: okie queen :)

blackdahlia: yesss we have pizza and ice cream 

fairygodmother: wait WHAT can i come?????

deadass sonic: ??? Wanda r u really about to leave me and riverdale for pizza and ice cream?

fairygodmother: only you watch riverdale pietro, u scum of the earth

deadass sonic: DUDE

lokiwannadie: she’s not wrong xxx

scottyant: I watch riverdale am I the scum of the earth?

fairygodmother: ofc not scotty x

hopeful: scott why the FUCK do u watch riverdale

scottyant: I have a crush on Cole Sprouse

hopeful: understandable 

— — — —

“patriotism is a big turn on!”

bucko boy- Bucky Barnes  
bird 2.0- Sam Wilson  
big steeb- Steve Rogers  
queen nat- Natasha Romanoff

-

bird 2.0: aight steve

big steeb: Hi

bird 2.0: falcon and ugly greasy buck man reporting from cafe jarvis

bucko boy: why do you get a cool name

bird 2.0: because i’m cool???

bucko boy: can i have a cool name

bird 2.0: no

bucko boy: YAY ty!!  
bucko boy: gonna go for  
bucko boy: the winter soldier 

bird 2.0: ...

big steeb: That sounds cool Buck

bucko boy: thanks steve x

bird 2.0: why winter- k i’m just not gonna ask  
bird 2.0: falcon and the winter soldier  
reporting from cafe jarvis  
bird 2.0: so basically   
bird 2.0: nat and sharon are just talking and smiling rn

big steeb: Can I have a cool name?

bird 2.0: i-

bucko boy: YES WE CAN ALL HAVE COOL NAMES OMG

big steeb: Yes!  
big steeb: What about  
big steeb: Captain America

bucko boy: um  
bucko boy: that’s a fucking shit name steve

big steeb: Oh

bucko boy: yk what it’s fine captain america it is

big steeb: Nice :)

bird 2.0: ok anyway  
bird 2.0: i think they’re ordering food rn, they don’t suspect a thing except nat knows we r here so it doesn’t really matter

big steeb: Will Nat have a cool name?

bucko boy: yuh ofc????

bird 2.0: fuck sake   
bird 2.0: bucky we are on a MISSION rn

bucko boy: that’s “the winter soldier” to you mister!

bird 2.0: shut up asshole

big steeb: What do you think Nat will go for?

bucko boy: idk probably something cool and mysterious like  
bucko boy: the queen of darkness

bird 2.0: please shut up  
bird 2.0: ANYWAY their food has now arrived

bucko boy: i think the queen of darkness is quite cool  
bucko boy: what do you think steve

big steeb: Yeah sure 

bucko boy: dude  
bucko boy: don’t sound too blown away by my amazing ability at creating cool code names

big steeb: Sorry Buck

bird 2.0: bucky shut UP you’ve made him sad look at him

big steeb: You can’t see me?

bird 2.0: anyway  
bird 2.0: wait omg   
bird 2.0: SHARON IS PAYING FOR NAT’S FOOD THATS SO CUTE

bucko boy: ugh sam why don’t you treat me like that

bird 2.0: because i fucking hate you

big steeb: Sam.

bird 2.0: sorry  
bird 2.0: i dislike you greatly <3

big steeb: Ffs

bucko boy: whatever  
bucko boy: i’m gonna stop watching them now i feel uncomfortable watching two teenage girls eat muffins

big steeb: Yeah kinda sketchy  
big steeb: Why don’t you two order some food :)

bird 2.0: no time for food they could start making out on the table while we are eating

bucko boy: that’s SO gross  
bucko boy: also sam i like steve’s idea i’m hubgry 

bird 2.0: idk what hubgry means sorry

bucko boy: pleaseeeeeeeeeeeeee :(

big steeb: Get him some food Sam.

bird 2.0: i  
bird 2.0: FINE we’ll get food but ur paying for urs bucky

bucko boy: i have no moneyz

bird 2.0: tough luck gonna get myself a nice blueberry muffin x

big steeb: Sam just get him something.

bucko boy: pleaze zugar dady <3

bird 2.0: for that comment absolutely not 

bucko boy: :(

big steeb: Just this once Sam

bird 2.0: fuck off fine   
bird 2.0: brb fuckers

bucko boy: i luv my zugar zaddy (๑˃̵ᴗ˂̵)♡

big steeb: Ok you should stop doing that though

bucko boy: :(

bird 2.0: k i’m back 

bucko boy: Steve guess what I have a double chocolate muffin 

big steeb: That’s great Buck

bird 2.0: ok anyway nat and sharon have finished eating now  
bird 2.0: they r just talking  
bird 2.0: they look so happy that’s so cute

bucko boy: fav girlfriends aw

big steeb: I still don’t know why seeing their date is that important

bird 2.0: well say sharon is mean to nat we can key her car and smash her windows in

big steeb: I think Nat can handle herself

bird 2.0: do i care 

bucko boy: wait they’re leaving 

bird 2.0: tfatws are on the move

big steeb: What is tfatws?

bird 2.0: the falcon and the winter soldier obviously smh

bucko boy: shut up a minute  
bucko boy: omg

bird 2.0: YO

bucko boy: THEY HUGGEDDVEVEGDDD

big steeb: Awww

bird 2.0: wait omg  
bird 2.0: steve help  
bird 2.0: i think bucky is having an asthma attack 

big steeb: He doesn’t even have asthma

bucko boy: THEY HUGGEDDDDDDD  
bucko boy: THEY * 𝑒𝓂𝒷𝓇𝒶𝒸𝑒𝒹*

queen nat: hey guys

bucko boy: THEY LOVINGLY WRAPPED THEIR ARMS AROUND EACH OTHER  
bucko boy: oh hi nat

queen nat: yall seriously didn’t even have the decency to make a private groupchat to talk about me and sharon smh

bird 2.0: yike

queen nat: anyway sambucky how was UR date :)

bird 2.0: i’m out bye gang 

bucko boy: it was lovely sam bought me a muffin 

bird 2.0: bucky i swear to GOD 

big steeb: Lol

— — — —

tony went through meiosis and peter was the result

snark- Tony Stark  
Bruce7- Bruce Banner  
peteypie- Peter Parker  
shurithingsis- Shuri  
potatogun- Harley Keener  
xbrokenx- Nebula Thanosson

-

snark: ughhhh

Bruce7: What now.

snark: less of the attitude please bruce??

Bruce7: :/

snark: anyway  
snark: ughhhhhhhhhhhh

peteypie: you okay mr stark?

snark: stop calling me that  
snark: and do i look ok? i don’t think i do

peteypie: i cant see you

snark: listen pete

peteypie: ok

snark: um  
snark: idk where i was going with that

shurithingsis: shut up

snark: no  
snark: can something ask me what’s wrong 

peteypie: i just did-

potatogun: literally no one CARES TONY

snark: WHY DOES EVERYONE HATE ME

xbrokenx: Hello Tony.

snark: hey nebs 

xbrokenx: What is wrong?

snark: literally EVERYTHING  
snark: i’m so single it HURTS 

Bruce7: Oh

snark: shut up BRUCE we get it you have a BOYFRIEND no need to shove it in our FACES

Bruce7: Tony I literally said “Oh”

snark: yeah yeah that’s what they all say

potatogun: idk tony maybe if u stopped pining over steve rogers we wouldn’t be in this situation 

snark: never have i ever liked steve rogers oh look at that all of my fingers are still up how weird

xbrokenx: He is lying.

shurithingsis: LMAO

snark: i think you should all get emancipated i don’t like any of you anymore

peteypie: :(

snark: pete is the exception.

potatogun: I don’t need you Anyway

Bruce7: You haven’t even adopted me Tony (thankfully)

snark: whatever  
snark: i need a boyfriend

shurithingsis: why are you telling this to ur “kids”

snark: BECAUSE  
snark: I HAVE NO OTHER FRIENDS EVERRYONE HATES ME

potatogun: he’s not wrong 

snark: literally shut up i have more friends than u 

potatogun: ???

peteypie: well why don’t you send steve a message?

snark: peter i love you <333 but not right now 

peteypie: my idea is AMAZING ur just too afraid to do it

snark: no i’m not

peteypie: do it then

snark: no

shurithingsis: ok pussy

snark: i- yk what fine fuck yall

Bruce7: Finally

snark: i’m joining steve’s friend group now i hate yall

potatogun: good

shurithingsis: thank fuck for that

snark: ...  
snark: peter ur coming with me

peteypie: woo more friends


	7. 7

Untitled chatroom

snark- Tony Stark  
big steeb- Steve Rogers

-

snark: hi

big steeb: Hey?

snark: ok well i wasn’t expecting you to reply i haven’t thought this far ahead uh  
snark: how are you doing

big steeb: Haha I’m alright, I guess. How about you?

snark: yeah i’m dandy  
snark: sorry my friends told me to message you and i’m not a pussy so yk

big steeb: Why do they want you to message me?

snark: uh  
snark: Yk what that’s an amazing question!  
snark: i’m just gonna leave you to it i’m sorry for bothering 

big steeb: Tony it’s fine, really. You can message me whenever :)

snark: oh   
snark: well alright then   
snark: :)

— — — —

tony went through meiosis and peter was the result

snark- Tony Stark  
Bruce7- Bruce Banner  
peteypie- Peter Parker  
shurithingsis- Shuri  
potatogun- Harley Keener  
xbrokenx- Nebula Thanosson

-

snark: oooooh what a time to be aLIVEEE  
snark: yall i’m in DEEP shit

Bruce7: What happened?

snark: my sexuality happened  
snark: the lgbt life is so hard

peteypie: rt 

shurithingsis: rt

Bruce7: rt

potatogun: rt

xbrokenx: Rt.  
xbrokenx: I do not know what rt means.

potatogun: nebula i love you

xbrokenx: Oh.

shurithingsis: HHAAKJWBW  
shurithingsis: ANYWAY tony PLEASE tell us what happened babes x

snark: don’t call me that ever again  
snark: also STEVE SAID I CAN MESSAGE HIM WHENEVER

potatogun: ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)  
potatogun: things r getting spicy

shurithingsis: message him rn

snark: i JUST stopped talking to him give me a break

peteypie: wait  
peteypie: does this mean i’m getting a dad :,)

snark: excuse me i am your dad

peteypie: i’m getting another dad :,)

Bruce7: Screenshotted Tony confirming he is Peter’s dad for future reference

snark: oh fuck OFFFFFFFFFF 

shurithingsis: same tho bruce x

snark: ffs  
snark: also NO peter he doesn’t like me i can guarantee 

potatogun: lit rally what luv xx

xbrokenx: Steve does like you.

snark: nah

Bruce7: Tony have you seen the way he looks at you

shurithingsis: LITERALLYYYYY  
shurithingsis: he genuinely looks so *infatuated* with you it’s GROSS

peteypie: you cant say anything when u look at mj the exact same way

shurithingsis: bro why do me like that

potatogun: HA HE ISNT WRONG  
potatogun: yall are all so gross and lovey and that’s why I am in nebula’s lane

xbrokenx: What lane?

potatogun: no like i stan you

xbrokenx: Who is Stan?

potatogun: no like i’m a HUGE fan of you nebs

xbrokenx: Oh.

shurithingsis: WHY DO YOU JUST SHUT HIM DOWN EVERYTIME

xbrokenx: Sorry.  
xbrokenx: I’m flattered.

snark: GUYS HELP ME WITH MY PROBLEM

shurithingsis: TONY WE HAVE JUST TOLD YOU HES LIKE IN LOVE WITH YOU OR SOME SHIT

snark: ARE YOU SURE

peteypie: YES MR STARK JUST KEEP MESSAGING HIM PLEASE I NEED A FATHER FIGURE

snark: i

{snark has left the chat!}

Bruce7: Peter you’ve hurt him

{Bruce7 added snark to the chat!}

snark: bruh  
snark: why do me like that pete

peteypie: IM SORRY IT WAS A LIE

snark: smh whatever

— — — —  
“patriotism is a big turn on!”

bucko boy- Bucky Barnes  
bird 2.0- Sam Wilson  
big steeb- Steve Rogers  
queen nat- Natasha Romanoff

-

big steeb: Hey guys   
big steeb: I’m confused and in need of advice

bucko boy: yo 

big steeb: Alright so  
big steeb: Tony just messaged me out of the blue? 

queen nat: ok and

bird 2.0: hes just trying to start a convo bc HE LIKES YOU 

big steeb: Uggh guys

bucko boy: deadass tho

big steeb: He said his friends dared him to do it.

queen nat: probably bc they know he likes u?

big steeb: Guys I don’t know...  
big steeb: Do you think he actually likes me?

bird 2.0: YES

queen nat: we don’t THINK we KNOW

bird 2.0: y’all r pining so hard pls get a grip

queen nat: reminds me of someone i know

bucko boy: tEa who

queen nat: ...  
queen nat: fr buck?

bird 2.0: ANYWAY  
bird 2.0: steve just keep talking to him trust me

big steeb: Fine...  
big steeb: I told him he can message me whenever anyway

bucko boy: WOOO STONY  
bucko boy: STAN STONY ALL MY HOMIES LOVE STONY

queen nat: me and steve could POTENTIALLY finally be getting in relationships :,)

bucko boy: bro pls find me someone next i’m so lonely

queen nat: that won’t be very hard bucky

bucko boy: omg what wdym

bird 2.0: anyway stony :)  
bird 2.0: what are yall gonna call ur kid :,)

bucko boy: they already have one hes called peter dumbass

queen nat: i mean hes not wrong  
queen nat: but why the subject change sam

bird 2.0: idk what ur talking about sorry x

queen nat: ...  
queen nat: steve lemme message u rq

bucko boy: bro sam we r being LEFT the FUCK out :(

bird 2.0: fake friends :,(

— — — —  
TheMostIconicDuo

big steeb- Steve Rogers  
queen nat- Natasha Romanoff

-

queen nat: IM GOING INSANE

big steeb: Why??

queen nat: THEY ARE DRIVING ME INSANE  
queen nat: NO MATTER HOW MUCH WE POINT IT OUT THEY ARE STILL SO OBLIVIOUS TO THEIR FEELINGS FOR EACH OTHER

big steeb: We just have to be patient I guess :/

queen nat: bro i genuinely don’t think they r ever gonna figure it out  
queen nat: they are both in denial

big steeb: Why don’t you talk to Sam or Bucky privately 

queen nat: that’s so awkward  
queen nat: yk what fuck it i’m sick of their bullshit

big steeb: Good luck :)

— — — —  
Top 10 Saddest Deaths

bucko boy: Bucky Barnes  
queen nat: Natasha Romanoff

-

queen nat: buck.

bucko boy: holy shit i’m being included :,)

queen nat: we need to talk abt sam

bucko boy: huh?

queen nat: ok just listen   
queen nat: EVERYONE KNOWS YOU LIKE HIM  
queen nat: EXCEPT MAYBE YOURSELF AND SAM

bucko boy: idk what ur talking about

queen nat: pls-  
queen nat: YOU TWO ARE DRIVING ME INSANE  
queen nat: LIKE WORSE THAN STONY

bucko boy: literally what

queen nat: buck yk u can tell me right?

bucko boy: idk what u want me to say

queen nat: the truth???

bucko boy: ...  
bucko boy: do i have to

queen nat: YES

bucko boy: BUT U OBVIOUSLY ALREADY KNOW OK

queen nat: SO YOU ADMIT

bucko boy: YES

queen nat: OK FUCKING FINALLY THAT MADE ME SIGNIFICANTLY LESS STRESSED  
queen nat: so what r u gonna do abt it???

bucko boy: nothing ? :)

queen nat: bruh pls say sike

bucko boy: dude it’s fine ok?  
bucko boy: we just act like we hate each other (or at least i act like it) and everything’s fine  
bucko boy: i get to be around him   
bucko boy: but if i told him how i feel he’ll probably freak out and then i’ll lose him

queen nat: i’m gonna pretend u didn’t just say that

bucko boy: WDYM

queen nat: BRO HE LIKES YOU BACK ITS SO PAINFULLY OBVIOUS

bucko boy: NO HE HATES ME??

queen nat: BRO HE LITERALLY RARELY EVER DENIES THAT HE LIKES YOU WHENEVER I BRING IT UP

bucko boy: PROBABLY BC HES TIRED OF IT???  
bucko boy: look it’s never gonna happen so just leave it

queen nat: Bucky pls  
queen nat: do you want me to talk to sam? i won’t mention anything you’ve told me

bucko boy: yes you WILL

queen nat: I WONT PLS

bucko boy: bro i cant deal w this shit i’m getting toast

queen nat: ughhhhGg  
queen nat: u cant avoid this forever :(

bucko boy: yes i can :)

**Author's Note:**

> hope yall liked this! I’ll try to update as much as i can :))


End file.
